How to be Conservative Without Being Called Racist

Oh, wait. You can't. And if your high school sweetheart was African American and so is your sister-in-law? So what? That doesn't prove you're not a racist.

Copyright © 2012, www.lawyermommusings.blogspot.com. All rights reserved.

Bread and stuff.

Alrighty then. Swinging for the right, we have Todd Akin. Running as a Republican for a Missouri senate seat, Akin believes women's bodies can magically exterminate a rapist's sperm. As can unicorns.  He thinks that some rapes are "illegitimate" while others are, well, kosher, I suppose?

Bless his heart, but Todd Akin is just about toast.

(In a peculiar twist of irony, Democrat Jennifer Granholm weighed in earlier on some presumably relevant subject matter, with this Susan B. Anthony quote: "No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.")  Govern me, baby.  You're good enough.

Fiscal discipline?  I totally consent.

Swimming to Akin's rescue is a fellow named Kevin Yoder.  Plucked from utter obscurity because he swam naked in the sea of Galilee -- a year ago -- oh, be still, my still beating!  Oy vey.

Not to be outdone, the left came out swinging, too.  Congressman Kerry Gauthier emerged, battered and bruised, from the bushes.  Ordinarily, gay oral sex with a minor would be big news.  Indeed, sex of any nature for these old fellows would be big news, bushes or no.  But Gauthier is a Democrat, so there will be no talk of stances, except, perhaps, in dressage.

Sure, Gauthier allegedly had blah-blah-blah with an underage male within the last news cycle, but so?  No Democrat is calling for Gauthier's resignation and the Congressman did report shortness of breath.  So what's the big deal?  Besides, blasted zippers, he just admitted it.

(And seriously, who can blame the press's neglect when we have a scandal of mammoth proportions brewing within the GOP?  A shimmering tale of skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee.  Last year.  See below.)

In a welcome relief series, Democratic senator Tom Harkin stepped up to the plate.  He said menstruating women are so incapacitated by their gender periods, they need medication to be productive workers.  Go, OBAMACARE!  Go, Hand Maid's Tale!

Naturally, NOW is calling for Hey-little-lady-Harkin's resignation . . . but, err, not just yet. It's too busy shredding Susan G. Komen's safety net.  Which I totally get.  If you can't bite the hand that feeds you, whose hand can you bite?  Oh, to be a private charity in America: so little appreciation, so much time.

Last but not least, we have VP Joe Biden who -- well, hells bells, never mind. It would just take too long.

Suffice it to say, Uncle Joe claims "they [Republicans] gone put ya'll back in chains."  Why the news outlets keep white-washing his erroneous grammar ("they're going to put you back in chains") is beyond me.  White people make mistakes all the time.  Why is the press trying to hide them?  It feels racist and wrong.

And some MSNBC guy named Toure' seconded Joe's emotion with his new word invention:  "niggarization."  Oof!  Punch!  Pow!  Plouffe.

In the third-party (donor) column is George Soros. He's not exactly swinging these days, bless his heart, but his wedding RSVP card has some curious choices.  Yes, I'm coming like an "upward frisky dog," or no, I'm declining like a "downward limber goat." Personally, I'd check none-of-the-above, but that's just me.

Anyway, Soros is now terribly verklempt because Obama says "show me the money" but he never shows the love. 

Love hurts.

So come on, sports fans, what will it be?  Give me bread and circuses, or give me death?

Copyright © 2012, www.lawyermommusings.blogspot.com. All rights reserved.

Biden: Unchained Parody

"They wanna' put ya'll back in chains!"

[Applause, applause]

Remember: liberals win on the strength of their arguments, not on the strength of their rhetoric. 

Sure, Biden used poor grammar, spoke in broken English. It was embarrassing and degrading to blacks.  But so??

Even MSNBC chimed in:  "That's a lovely thing to say -- for a wealthy white man."

It's time we talked about

As for cuts to Medicare?  Romney and Obama's deputy campaign manager, Stephanie Cutter, both agree:  Obama took $700 billion out of Medicare to fund Obamacare.  

Again -- so what?  Someone's got to pay for it.  Better your grandmother and my grandfather pick up the tab than you or I.  Hello!

So let's not shy away from this debate.  Hells bells.  Stephanie is damn proud of the Democrats' cuts to Medicare.  Obama, is, too.

Hey, GOPers, take note:  they embrace what they've done and then blame it on you!

But SSHHHH, don't call David Axelrod about all of this stuff. He might call Stephanie a liar, a big-eyed doe, or a wolf, or such!

Alrighty then.  Are you having fun feeling the logic yet?

Copyright © 2012, www.lawyermommusings.blogspot.com. All rights reserved.

A Long Day of Childhood Deserves . . . This?

So for my Chick-Fil-A epilogue, I was all ready to write about how supportive I am of gay marriage, and link to this previous post I wrote.

But then I saw this Ragu ad, apparently aired during the Olympics, and I, I, I . . . well, I ran out of words.

 

And no, I'm not making this up. 

Copyright © 2012, www.lawyermommusings.blogspot.com. All rights reserved.