In the aptly named town of Loveland, a Colorado high school teacher and her student paramour were found naked, engaged in an act of intimacy in the back seat of the woman's car. It is not known whether the bottle of vodka found nearby was a factor in the pairing. Said the police officer who discovered the pair, "I told both subjects I could see they were naked and they needed to get dressed and talk to me."
The teacher's position at the school is "instructional coach." Her job is to advise colleagues on how to avoid affairs with students and maintain a "professional distance."
Well, at least she can say she's experienced in such matters.
On the subject of irony, a Dallas police officer was arrested for embezzling reward money from the Crime Stoppers unit. Accused Senior Corporal Theadora Ross was responsible for reviewing anonymous tips and determining which tippers were entitled to reward money. In her estimation, she was, well, the most entitled. To the tune of $250,000.00, over a five-year period, no less.
Photo: David Woo/Staff Photographer (Dallas Morning News)
The safe, secure method for paying the tipsters, designed by our ever-efficient local government, was indeed fool-proof. Officer Ross, an intellectual giant, would give the anonymous tipper (often gal pal Malva Delley) a secret number and code word, and she'd simply go to the bank, provide the code word and number, and walk off with a wad of cash.
Alas, the jig was up when the fool Ross gave Delley and another tipster the same secret code. Delley beat the legitimate tipster to the bank, leaving the second tipster high and dry. Hence, the outcry.
Finally, we turn to national news and the protests in Egypt. Relax, people. Relax. All the protesters want is democracy and . . . the Muslim Brotherhood wants a seat at the Egyptian government's table. What could go wrong? Even socialists support the ouster of Mubarak.
So fear not, fair maidens. Don't be a Juan Williams wussy. The Muslim Brotherhood has not, and never will be, an incubator for terrorists. Hamas? What Hamas? The Brotherhood is not, I repeat, not "extremist." And the protesters love Israel. Love, love, love it.
So at yesterday's press conference, a reporter asked China's president Hu Jintao about its abysmal human rights record.
But he, umm, couldn't hear the question, or something.
Perhaps because the follow-up might have been:
So the American people may understand, sir, our President Obama, who was awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner, is feting you, you who condemned the 2010 Nobel winner to prison?
China's state-run media apparently blacked out that illusory "human rights" exchange.
Which leads me to ask why the query wasn't put Obama, such a young and virile man.
Why, at El Rancho, of course! There, I shot a fifty-caliber Barrett, made no contact whatsoever with several flying disks despite repeated attempts, and wandered four days and three nights without internet.
We just got back from this ranch -- a working ranch, mind you -- today. An old law school friend graciously offered it to us for the weekend. And boy do I owe him one huge bottle of Maker's Mark. His so-called "cabin" made for some swanky digs.
We met Dodge.
Four-wheeled like fiends.
And got real muddy. Constantly.
We herded chickens.
Collected beautiful rainbow eggs.
Went clay-shooting. Examined ostriches, up close and personal.
And roasted a perfect chicken, post bonfire. (Now, now. It was store bought. No tears.)
The impromptu bonfire happened when some olive oil caught on fire. I wasn't familiar with the ranch's range, you see. My beloved pan, which once had a nice patina, now looks like this:
But amazingly enough, it still cooks fine. Celebrate the moments of my pot.
Alrighty then. Aside from four votes I couldn't cast in HGTV's "dream house" contest, I didn't miss much. Because you don't miss your family when you don't have the internet. It's a funny thing.
Check out this horrific Kathie Lee segment on some morning show. Gifford is "celebrating" a high school jock's noble act: befriending an autistic kid. She slurps all over the jock, showering him with gifts while essentially ignoring the kid. He cries when Gifford's song -- "All Alone!" -- is sung to describe his purportedly pitiful, painful life.
Here's Howard Stern's scathing Kathie Lee take-down:
As for that Loughner guy who shot Congresswoman Giffords in Arizona? It's obvious Loughner was a big football fan, or read WutheringHeights or something.
I mean, just look at the Oregon/Auburn game, described with words like battle, target, drilled, unloaded on, bone-crushing, and choke-hold. Such violent rhetoric! And gosh, Heathcliff makes Jeffrey Dahmer look like Lassie.
P.S. A prophecy for you: this Arizona shooting will be used to justify scanning us with the mobile x-ray vans Homeland Security has already bought.
Amy Chua has penned an essay for the Wall Street Journal entitled, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." Following a bullet point list of things not to let your children do (sleepovers, playdates, school plays, TV or computer games), she notes three ways Chinese parents approach parenting differently from Westerners. To sum it up, Chinese parents assume, expect and demand excellence in their children.
First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.
Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.
Before you get too up in arms, it's only fair to acknowledge the vast cultural differences between the U.S. and China. And the political ones, like, say, democracy vs. communism. A child in the U.S. who had no social skills would not get far in business or team sports, generally speaking. He'd have to be a violin prodigy, or dictator . . . or something. In China, it seems, achievement is the goal; individualism, not so much.
She's perched on a pretty high horse, most of the time, but still, there is merit in much of Ms. Chua's advice. For instance, children do waste hours on computers and TV. And there's certainly too much "self esteem" building going on -- at least in my school (and too many professionally made science projects, for that matter).
When I hear a mother say, "tsk, tsk, that's a bad choice," as the child proceeds on to do the misdeed, I'm the first to smirk. And I cannot and will not muster an exuberant "wow" to a mundane Lego creation. Chua is right that praise for a mediocre performance can be the worst kind of white lie.
She also suggests that a child's academic performance reflects directly on the parent, and here I must part company. Though I struggle now for an example to prove my point. Truth be told, my son does much better in school when I drill him in multiplication and, frankly, the time spent in misery seems worth it, to him and to me.
I think it is her overall tone of superiority that bothers me, rather than her content, captured in statements like,
Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.
That's pretty harsh. But with China nipping at our heels, perhaps we'd all do well to be a little more Chinese.
When I was at the grocery store the other day, a woman in line behind me asked about my clogs, what brand they were and where she could buy them. Danskos, I told her, and you can get them at Nordstrom's online, or Shoedawgs.
Anyway, we got to swapping tips, and I told her about using apple cider vinegar in the bath to soften your skin. Oh, and using white vinegar as a fabric softener in the washing machine.
Where did you get these great tips, she asked. "My mother, of course," I replied.
Yes, moms do come in handy. Remember when we were children and dentists gave us those red flouride tablets to chew? Well, my mother wouldn't hear of it. No extra fluoride for me. Between that and her obsession with covering my thyroid with a lead apron, our dentist serial dentists thought she was nuts.
Today her moment of vindication arrived. It is now being reported that our government has put too much fluoride in our drinking water and children are popping up with spots and streaks on their teeth.
(I want a dentist named Hardy Limeback. He just sounds so sturdy and good natured.)
Lucky for me, our town doesn't fluoridate the water, so I'll have to worry about something else, like where I can find a coffeemaker that has a stainless steel reservoir. I can't stand the thought of bringing water to a near boil in plastic and then drinking it.
Bunn makes a residential version, but you have to keep the water hot all the time. And my husband objects to the constant use of electricity. Mmkay, so better the BPA? He can be so annoyingly frugal at times.
On Monday, I went to the post office and stood for thirty minutes in a line twenty-six people deep. Only two windows were open, while a third worker shuffled around aimlessly. To say there was no sense of urgency would be charitable.
Can you imagine walking into the post office and seeing government employees snap to, like the boss just walked in? Like they work for you? And aren't on tranquilizers? Just imagine.
So today it's my achey breakey heart. Again. His continued claims that he'll not run in 2012 are killing me.
Chris Christie is the only Republican contender who beats Obama in the latest Zogby poll, and rightfully so. Did you know we just added another trillion dollars to our national debt in the last seven months? We need someone with a heavy veto pen and that would be Christie.
If Christie doesn't run without good reason, well, then, he's a mean and spiteful man and I'll never speak of him again. But if he does run, and the Republicans refuse to nominate him, they deserve what they'll get: a big fat morally overgrown, bankrupt party.
I don't know which is more disturbing: in Arkansas, thousands of birds inexplicably falling from the night sky and fish dying in droves, or our president's signature.
Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy
This is how he signs his name? Seriously?
Much less disturbing are the "scandalous" USS Enterprise videos produced by Navy Captain Owen Honors, back when he was the ship's XO. They were made four and five years ago, as entertainment for very young men serving on board a navy ship. I was expecting Tailhook or something; this was tame. Stupid and bathroomy, but tame.
Remember, the videos were made long before DADT was repealed, during a time when no one in the military could afford to be even suspected as gay. Given that environment, and an atmosphere in which discrimination was tacitly encouraged, is it any wonder there were gay slurs?
For those who want a world where no one ever gets offended, climb in a bowl of oatmeal or something. And yes, I watched the whole thing.
Photo: David Woo/Staff Photographer (Dallas Morning News)
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