Feeling Mercurial?

You want more "sky is falling"? Baby, I can give you more sky. Watch this.



Without any light bulbs, it's no wonder Corzine wouldn't break.

For more blue-sky-fallings, see below.
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No more incandescent light bulbs will be sold in the U.S., beginning in 2012. But hip hippie hooray. The new CFL (compact fluorescent lighting) bulbs are greener, and cheaper. These amazing creatures will enhance orgasms and organisms, save planets, save lives!

My God, they're from Europe. What more need ye know?

Except when they break. But oy vey, the sorrow when they break -- especially if you have children in the house. Because CFLs are filled with mercury. A helpful tip from U.S. News? Put a drop cloth down before screwing one into a lamp!

Because if one of these CFL lovelies gets broken when you're rushing out the door to soccer practice or carpool, oh, no. Oh, woe. You are so screwed.

In the event of breakage, the EPA has this to say (here, for convenience, let me summarize: haz-mat, evacuate, and renovate):

Before Cleanup

Have people and pets leave the room.

Air out the room for 5-10 minutes by opening a window or door to the outdoor environment.

Shut off the central forced air heating/air-conditioning system, if you have one.

Collect materials needed to clean up broken bulb:

stiff paper or cardboard;
sticky tape;
damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes (for hard surfaces); and
a glass jar with a metal lid or a sealable plastic bag.

During Cleanup

DO NOT VACUUM. Vacuuming is not recommended unless broken glass remains after all other cleanup steps have been taken. Vacuuming could spread mercury-containing powder or mercury vapor.

Be thorough in collecting broken glass and visible powder.

Place cleanup materials in a sealable container.

After Cleanup

Promptly place all bulb debris and cleanup materials outdoors in a trash container or protected area until materials can be disposed of properly. Avoid leaving any bulb fragments or cleanup materials indoors.

If practical, continue to air out the room where the bulb was broken and leave the heating/air conditioning system shut off for several hours.

If you can't follow all these steps but you're still concerned about mercury poisoning exposure -- and rightly so! Call your doctor, says the confidence-inspiring pass-the-buck EPA.

And all this time, I thought the autism lobby was huge.

(Umm, did I never tell you about the time my kid and his friend squashed an outdoor Christmas light bulb on the street, just for fun? Well, the resident special-needs-kid-lawyer-mom was not happy. Her email to me read, "and the exposure your son caused to said mercury was a foreseeable and proximate cause" of death and pestilence and so on and so forth. I wrote back, "Is this a pleading, or what?" and that was that . . . at least for now. I'm waiting for the statute of limitations to run before I can be sure.)

But moving right along with the autism lobby or not, I'm not buying one of those damn CFLs. No how, no way. Call me mercurial, call me crazy. Call me anti-litigious. And I'm not the only one.

No, I'm going fully intuitive on this full moon, off to Amazon to continue my stockpiling. Now then. For all those in favor of more government in our bedrooms, say "aye fry!" No mood-setting dimmers for you!




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