Forgive Me Fellow Bloggers, For I Must Barf

"Your Most Holiness,

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

At Harvard I cheated, and I paid a friend to cheat by taking a test for me. Spanish was difficult for me. Though the expulsion from Harvard was worse. Forgive me, Father.

During law school at UVA, I was caught driving recklessly four times. Once I even raced a police officer who was trying to pull me over. My speedometer hit 90 miles per hour. Following the speed limit was hard, because it seemed like the rules didn't apply to me.

My first wife, Joan, had a really hard time with Chappaquiddick. You see, Your Most Holiness, I was out whooping it up with my married guy friends and the single "Boiler Room Girls" who had worked on my brother's campaign.

We weren't doing anything immoral but it was wrong of me to go back to my hotel room that night and not report that Mary Jo Kopechne was at the bottom of the pond, trapped in my car, drowning, until the next morning. I was in shock, Your Holiness, and utterly exhausted. Oh, and I had a concussion, too. Forgive me, Father, for my physical frailties.

On another fateful night, at our Palm Beach compound, I woke up my son and my nephew in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I took them out carousing at a local nightclub. When we got back, Willie had sex on the beach with a young woman he'd "picked up." She said he raped her.

Tragically, my credibility as a witness was questioned when several people said I was wandering around the house in my underwear afterwards. Alcohol has been a relentless temptation for me. Forgive me, Father, for this physical frailty.

Then there was the night I went out drinking with my pal Chris Dodd. When our dates were in the bathroom, I threw a hapless waitress into Dodd's lap and then I fell on top of her. I don't think she liked it. But that "waitress sandwich" was so much fun, Your Holiness. Forgive me, Father, for my lack of self restraint."

Okay, okay. That wasn't exactly what Ted Kennedy said to the Pope on the eve of his death. Sorry. Here is what he really wrote, knowing, of course, that it would be made public after his death:

Most Holy Father, I asked President Obama to personally hand-deliver this letter to you. As a man of deep faith himself, he understands how important my Roman Catholic faith is to me, and I am so deeply grateful to him.

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I pray that you have all of God's blessings as you lead our church and inspire our world during these challenging times. I am writing with deep humility to ask that you pray for me as my own health declines. I was diagnosed with brain cancer more than a year ago, and although I continue treatment, the disease is taking its toll on me. I am 77 years old and preparing for the next passage of life.

I have been blessed to be part of a wonderful family. And both of my parents, particularly my mother, kept our Catholic faith at the center of our lives. That gift of faith has sustained and nurtured and provided solace to me in the darkest hours. I know that I have been an imperfect human being, but with the help of my faith, I have tried to right my path.

I want you to know, Your Holiness, that in my nearly 50 years of elective office, I have done my best to champion the rights of the poor and open doors of economic opportunity. I have worked to welcome the immigrant, to fight discrimination and expand access to health care and education. I have opposed the death penalty and fought to end war. Those are the issues that have motivated me and have been the focus of my work as a United States senator.

I also want you to know that even though I am ill, I'm committed to doing everything I can to achieve access to health care for everyone in my country. This has been the political cause of my life. I believe in a conscience protection for Catholics in the health field and I'll continue to advocate for it as my colleagues in the Senate and I work to develop an overall national health policy that guarantees health care for everyone.

I have always tried to be a faithful Catholic, Your Holiness, and though I have fallen short through human failings, I have never failed to believe and respect the fundamental teachings of my faith. I continue to pray for God's blessings on you and on our church and would be most thankful for your prayers for me.

Alrighty then. You might love the guy and I might just want my television back. But enough is enough, already. And at least there is one point on which we all can agree: he was a consummate politician, even on his death bed.

Is It All in Your Name?

That some employers have a bias toward white job applicants is, unfortunately, hardly news. One study showed candidates with "white" sounding names were fifty percent more likely to be called in for an interview than candidates with "black" sounding names.

But, reports CNN Money, some folks claim there are other forms of bias as well. A name that's hard to pronounce, for example, may cause an employer to move on to the next resume. Or a celebrity-sounding name like, oh, say "Glenn Miller."

In fact, a real Glenn Miller spent four months searching for a job as a senior software engineer. Mr. Miller says his name "changes the tenor" of the interview and he feels he's not taken seriously. He surmounted this celebrity challenge, however, and found a job in fairly short order. Here is the picture he chose to submit to CNN Money:

Since Glenn has joined the ranks of the employed, he can afford to project a wind-blown-in-a-windbreaker look to the internet world.

Next, CNN highlights the plight of 27-year old Colleen Rzucidlo. She's been diligently searching for a public relations position for nine months, so far without success.

"While I certainly can't prove it, I often wonder if my last name hinders me when it comes to the job search process," she said. "Nobody knows how to say it -- that's a turn off. If they can't say my name they are not going to bother reading my résumé."

But, hey, some CNN coverage could be good press for Ms. Rzucidlo, since she's still job-hunting. Alas, here is the picture she submitted to CNN:

Umm, Colleen? You're lovely dear, truly lovely, with an enviable figure. But this picture will not do you justice. It is not good "PR" for you.

Your bra is showing through, the shirt is a little dated tight, and the navel silhouette is a bit distracting. In my view, it simply doesn't inspire confidence in your PR savvy.

Fortunately for Colleen and other job seekers, CNN Money has human resources professor Christine Probett on hand to offer her brilliant insight. She says job seekers should focus on things they can control.

"For example, 'PartyDude@BeerU.Com' might project an image of someone who is not too business savvy," she said.

Wow. Who knew?

Justice is Blind but She Closes at Five

It's another "I'm glad it's not me" day here in the great State of Texas. Judge Sharon Keller, presiding judge of the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, began trial today.

But no black robes for her today; this time she's the defendant. The State Commission on Judicial Conduct alleges her refusal to accept a last-minute motion for a stay of execution "constitutes incompetence in the performance of duties of office."

It all started on the day one Michael Richard was scheduled to be executed by lethal injection. But on that same day, the United States Supreme Court agreed to hear a case out of Kentucky, in which the defendant argued lethal injection was cruel and unusual punishment.

Defense attorneys for Mr. Richard quickly scrambled to get their court papers in order, but ran into computer problems. They called the court clerk to make arrangements to file their papers a few minutes after five p.m. The Court's general counsel then called Judge Keller about accepting a late filing and she declared, "We close at five."

But the Court routinely stayed late on execution days to accept last-minute court filings. And Mr. Richard would not be able to seek a stay in the United States Supreme Court until he'd exhausted all other options. In other words, he couldn't get there from here unless and until the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals first shot him down.

And it's not like Judge Keller had no idea the United States Supreme Court had just agreed to hear a case on lethal injections. The Court's general counsel sent all the judges an email that morning, so advising them.

Incredibly, Judge Keller never bothered to tell the "duty" judge assigned the case, Judge Cheryl Johnson, that Mr. Richard's lawyers were attempting to make a last-minute filing. Her unilateral "we close at five" pronouncement was a death pronouncement for Richard. The next morning, when Judge Johnson found out Richard's lawyers had tried to file an appeal, she was steamed.

Judge Keller has a lot on the line here, and not surprisingly, recollections are now starting to vary. Just a few days ago, the Court's general counsel testified for the first time in a deposition that he did in fact tell Judge Johnson about the lawyers' request to file their papers after hours. But today, despite fierce cross-examination by Keller's lawyer, Chip Babcock, Judge Johnson vigorously disputed this apparently "new" recollection.

Needless to say, Richard's execution and Judge Keller's hard-nosed refusal to accept his appeal have kicked up a media maelstrom. Still, I can't help but wonder if the reactions would have been less vehement were it not for Judge Keller's previous outrages.

For instance, take Mr. Roy Criner (whom George Bush ultimately pardoned while he was governor of Texas). When Mr. Criner was arrested for sexual assault back in 1986, DNA testing was much more primitive. The DNA results showed only that the semen could have come from Mr. Criner. In other words, it did not exclude him as the perpetrator. From this slender scientific reed, Mr. Criner was convicted.

Finally, after he'd spent years in prison, improved DNA testing squarely established the semen was not his; it could not have come from Mr. Criner.

Nonetheless, Judge Keller refused to grant him a new trial.

In an interview with Frontline, she said that just because it wasn't Criner's semen didn't mean he didn't rape the girl -- a girl, Keller suggested, who was "promiscuous."

"The evidence didn't show that he did not have sex with this woman," she explained on Frontline. "It can't. Just like the absence of fingerprints right here doesn't show that I didn't touch that chair. It can't show that he didn't do that."

Oh, right. I get it now. Criner must have had a buddy with him who did all the ejaculating. It's the old "unindicted co-ejaculator theory," as Barry Scheck would put it.

This preposterous, tortured logic prompted the Frontline interviewer to ask Judge Keller, "How can Roy Criner establish his innocence?" "I don't know," she answered.

Perhaps today Judge Keller will try to establish her own. As a defendant, she'll quickly learn how very hard that can be.

Honey, I Shrunk the Bank Account

Can you imagine coming home and telling your husband of 37 years that you've lost your life savings? That all of the money you insisted the two of you invest with that nice Bernie Madoff is gone? And oh, by the way, you had an affair with the slickster?

"Sweetheart, you've got to believe me," you desperately plead. "I totally trusted this guy. I slept with him for Pete's sake. I never dreamed he'd screw me like this. But don't worry, honey. I've got a plan to get every penny back."

Similar words were presumably uttered by one Sheryl Weinstein. Due to their investments with Bernie Madoff, she and her husband Ronald were forced to sell their apartment in Manhattan. They basically lost everything.

At his sentencing hearing, Ms. Weinstein recalled the day she first met Mr. Madoff. “I now view that day as perhaps the unluckiest day of my life because of the many events set into motion that would eventually have the most profound and devastating effect on me, my husband, my child, my parents, my in-laws and all of those who depended on us."

Well no shit, Sherlock I suppose so.

Talk about a double screw-jobber. Madoff was screwing people left and right and screwing her blind, too -- literally and . . . well, literally.

Urging the judge to hand down a heavy sentence, Ms. Weinstein told the court that Madoff "is a beast that has stolen for his own needs the livelihoods, savings, lives, hopes and dreams and futures of others. He has fed upon us to satisfy his own needs. No matter how much he takes and from whom he takes, he is never satisfied. He is an equal opportunity destroyer.”

Of course at the time, it was not publicly known that Madoff had "known" Ms. Weinstein in the biblical sense, that she had once willingly "satisfied" old Bernie's "needs."

And knock me over with a feather, Ms. Weinstein has written a tell-all book about her sordid and, let's hope for her sake, torid affair. Amazon is already accepting advance orders. The book is due to be released on August 25th.

Bernie's lawyer, Ira Sorkin, is taking it all in stride. But then, he's not the one in jail. “She’s entitled to her free speech, I suppose,” said Mr. Sorkin. “Why one would go public with something like that, I don’t know. She’s entitled to say anything that might be deemed derogatory about herself.”

I guess old Ira doesn't watch much reality TV.

Ruth Madoff had no comment. But given the fact she has to tell the bankruptcy trustee every time she spends more than $100.00 on herself, this is hardly surprising.

As for Ms. Weinstein's husband, Ron, who once sized Bernie up as "unassuming, a very nice guy"? Err, Ron now feels he was "a very poor judge of character," leaving us all to wonder just whose character he is referring to.

Ironically, this same Ronald Weinstein once passionately declared, "“When inmates have served their sentences, if they are trained in laundry jobs, then our industry should make an effort to hire and assist them in their transition as they join us in the workplace.”

Alrighty then.