Eunichasia

Today was an "I'm glad it's not me" day, starting with Joe Biden.

The View's bevvy of beauties all concurred in his diagnosis: Joe Biden has "foot-in-mouth" disease. Remember his swine flu doozie last week? "As for me and my house, we shall . . . not fly on airplanes." Or something like that.

Parasympathetically, the Las Vegas tourism folks today ran a full-page advertisement in USA Today. The ad said, in essence, "Gee, Joe. You should have gaffed here." My mother, had she been consulted, would have added, "And you have lovely, lovely teeth."

But the roughing-up of Joe pales in comparison to the mugging of John Edwards.

By now we all know the story: Boy meets new girl. Boy is married to old girl. Money and/or other things are exchanged between the newly-two. And presto-chango. Boy has problemo.

Yes, John Edwards had an affair and money was paid to his paramour. Of paramount concern, of course, is where that money came from, and were the payments "legit"? Did Fred Baron write her a personal check or did the money come from John's campaign fund? The U.S. government wants to know.

The story has never been whether John Edwards shushed her with hush money. But the warm bodies over at ABC News did not get the memo.

The title for ABC's Edwards' clip: "Did Edwards Bribe Mistress With Money?" Huh? WTF?

But the biggest travesty of the day was ABC's story about the "new gender rules."

Are all of us acutely aware that the economy is in the tank? Yes. Do we have a vague awareness that men are being laid off in greater numbers than women? Yes, again.

But that Eleanor Hammert resents bringing home all the bacon? That she bitterly slings it into the pan? That she is, it would seem, itching for divorce and a new man? Umm, no. And shame on ABC for telling us so.

The lead-in to the story, Charlie Gibson announced tonight, is that this recession is really a HEcession. Very catchy, Charlie. Maybe it'll make Urban Dictionary by tomorrow. Dry-clean your cardigan and get ready for the accolades, you witty fellow, you.

But first, some background. Brace yourselves. In tonight's "gender rules" story, Professor Deborah Carr delivers this explosive sound-bite: "Even the most liberated feminist man still feels that his identity is threatened when he loses his job." I feel the earth move under my feet.


But ABC is an equal opportunist screw-jobber. "Women struggle as well," the baritone reporter intones. "Eleanor Hammert is not happy about being the main bread winner after her husband Rick lost his job," he announces, as we watch Eleanor high-heel it out of her chock-full-of stuff garage.

As the newly-euniched Rick unloads the dishwasher and, later, stirs a pot of cauliflower, Eleanor laments, "I don't like coming home and seeing him in my apron. I wish I could say something different but I've lost so much respect for him."

Cut to the happy couple in their granite-countered kitchen. A startled Rick holds a glass of wine as Eleanor stridently declares, "Okay. I've got to get back to work."

Either Eleanor is working some strange hours or Rick has given up hiding it in his sippy cup.

Gentle readers, don't waste your time on scripted reality shows. Networks, save your money. The next time we want to see people humiliated, we'll just turn the dial to ABC.