So I arrive in the major metropolis of McKinney, Texas, for a hearing this afternoon. I walk into the renovated "court-house" -- renovated I say, because it used to be a hospital.
Sprightly and with great energy I bound through the automatic doors, throw my bag down, and proceed through the metal detector. Ready to cross-examine Smokey, I am loaded for bear.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Me (waving off the cavalry): Oh, I always beep.
Stern security man: Mam, have you had a hip replacement?
Me: Excuse me?
Security man (loudly, wielding metal wand): A hip replacement!
Me: NO! Do I look old enough to have had a hip replacement?
Security man: Well, mam, I've seen people in their FORTIES who've had them.
Me: Yeah? Well, I'm in my thirties.
Just put me in a mumu and shoot me now.